• J. Jamal

Window/Pain (Snippet)

'Til death do us part has a whole new meaning

I guess their night is over, she’s back home now. He took her to her favorite spot, Giuliano’s, over on Spray Street and 7th. Yea, the one with the red tables out front. I loved their cannolis and iced tea. I could always count on her to find room for dessert whenever I ordered it. She’d just smile and reach for the fork, and of course I’d yield and let her have as much as she’d like. This is the first time anyone’s come here. He didn’t order a cannoli like I would’ve. Not to mention the fact that he was about 30 minutes late. I’d never be late. Nonetheless, she seems...happy. Happy as someone settling could look, anyway.

If we’re being honest here, she can’t be happy. Nobody could be happy without their soulmate. Nobody could be happy knowing the one they love is still out there, but never to return to their arms again. I know she’s hurting. Her eyes say it all. She misses me. She wishes he was me. No matter how great he ends up being, he’ll never fill the hole in her heart. And that’s okay. That’s what I’m here for. That’s what I came back for. Hold tight, baby girl. We’re gonna get that smile back. I won’t always be on the outside Looking in, I won’t be out here pressed against your windowpane. I’ll be back in your arms again, I have to. I’ll find a way.

Peering through the blinds, I see her hugging and holding him. Nothing out of the ordinary here. She always was the affectionate one. I lost count of the nights she’d greet me at the door with hugs and kisses, as if she hadn’t seen me for months. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss them. How could I not? For 9 years, they were mine. All mine. I never had to worry about another man because I could feel all of her love residing in me. I never had to long for love, she kept me good and full. And I appreciated it....only problem is, I should have returned it. Selfishly, I enjoyed the fruits of being loved, rather than gifting her the feeling of somebody loving her back. I knew she deserved better, I knew she could do better. I guess I just never thought she’d try to. Our souls were connected, meant to forever attach to one another. Our minds just had other plans.

I was her first kiss...now she’s kissing him. He pulled her into his arms, and forced his lips onto hers, he had to. She’d never kiss anyone other than me. It’s gotta be the alcohol. Sure, sharing dessert is one thing. A hug is one thing. Even holding hands, that’s just one thing. But kissing him? That’s....she...she looks like she wanted to. This time, she pulled him in, and cupped his cheeks like she’d done to me many times before. She didn’t just kiss him, she kissed him again. And again. And again. I...I can’t stay here anymore. I can’t see this anymore. I’ve got to get out of....

“Don’t make a habit of watching through the windows. You’re gonna want to be around her the least you possibly can. Otherwise, you’ll drive yourself insane.” A voice startles me, and a woman steps out of the shadows to speak to me. But I’m in the shadows. How can she see me? He said nobody could see me but Joy. “Got it, but how can you...” she silences me with a finger to my lips “He was my husband for six years. Before I...well, let’s just say I’ve spent the last 3 years sentenced to the same pain you’re feeling right now.” My eyes tell the story, as they sink due to the realization that this is no dream. “Andrea Maxwell. Deceased September 7th, 2017. Nice to meet you.”

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